


Of Veiled Everythings Behind Vague Nothings

by watcher_ofthe_sky



Series: Tumblr Requests 2020 [3]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: ErzaJane, Eventual Romance, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Pining, some poetic shit as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watcher_ofthe_sky/pseuds/watcher_ofthe_sky
Summary: Now that she thought about it, she wondered how sinking and heavy this word must be: carrying the weight of all the feelings which we feel.Nothing, she had said that day, when in turn she had meanteverything.
Relationships: Erza Scarlet/Mirajane Strauss
Series: Tumblr Requests 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802419
Kudos: 26





	Of Veiled Everythings Behind Vague Nothings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icemakestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/gifts).



> Prompt: “I’d like you to leave now” + Erzajane by @gaymirajane on Tumblr
> 
> Thank you for sending the request! <3 I am sorry for getting to this only now. I was going for a 5 sentence angst but I wanted a happy ending for them. Even though it is fast-paced, I hope you will like it.

_And that's the thing about longing stares_

_It's born from just one single glance_

_But it dies, and it dies, and it dies_

_A million little times_

-[ _Taylor Swift - illicit affairs_](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxGcDOfuyjeo&t=YTA2Yjg0ZmEyOGQ4NjA3Njk3MGNkZjY0ZmY0YTFiMmU2NmQ0MmVmYiwxNThkN2RiODhjNzU5MzY2MGMxMjM1NDU4NjMzZjE0ZjhlZjIzMTFm&ts=1602077087)  
  
***

Mirajane remembered the clear blue sky on that day like the back of her hand. She remembered the brightness of the day and golden glow of the leaves as the sunlight kissed them. She remembered the quiet, soft things because that's how the world had felt like when Erza had smiled at her and all the collective memories of their past and present had rushed in front of her like comets colliding with the atmosphere and burning bright, but _oh so beautifully._ The thudding of her heart had silenced all the sounds around them and the only thing that mattered was its rhythm whose tempo was set by the mere smile of the woman in front of her. 

"Mirajane?" Erza had asked, waving a hand in front of her, trying to get her attention. "Shall we go?"

"Huh?" she had blinked, still in trance. Looking around at the bandits they had captured on the mission, she had finally said. "Yeah."

And then Erza had laughed. "What were you thinking?"

She had _laughed_ and Mirajane couldn't stop hearing the echo of it. Everything felt warm suddenly and she didn't know what to do with this overwhelming wave of emotions crashing inside of her. 

"N-Nothing," she had said and swallowed thickly. "I think I am a little tired after the fight."

Erza had looked at her again with her scrutinizing gaze, a flicker of concern rippling on her face before she had nodded and fallen back in pace with her as they took the culprits to the magic council. 

And as they walked side by side, Mirajane couldn't help but notice the scarlet hair flying in the wind and soft skin cradled in the heavy armor. 

_Nothing,_ she had said that day. Now that she thought about it, she wondered how sinking and heavy this word must be: carrying the weight of all the feelings which we feel. 

_Nothing,_ she had said that day, when in turn she had meant _everything._

_***_

From then on, it was a spiral down the path of pain and longing. A stolen glance here, a brush of hand there-- it was as if Mirajane was trying to collect the little moments, trying to get whatever she can and slip them into these envelopes inside her heart which were opened only in the solemn trust of night. This is how darkness makes space for us--by opening her palms and letting us unfurl ourselves; bit by bit; one secret at a time.

Her heart was a riot; torn apart between this blossom of new feelings and the warning signs flashing because of the ache that was tied along with these emotions. 

Because if there was one thing that Mirajane Strauss knew, it was that Erza Scarlet won't ever look at her the way she looks at her.

***

It was during the return from one of the guild masters meetings where they had accompanied Master Makarov to help with the paperwork when they had met Jellal. Now that crime sorciere was an officially recognized guild, Queen Hisui had asked him to accompany his guild in all the official matters too. 

"Jellal," Erza had smiled at him; soft and serene. "How have you been?"

Mirajane had moved away to give them privacy as they talked. From the distance, she looked at them; how they fell into a familiar pattern like pieces that fit together perfectly. Suddenly, she had felt nauseous, like a knife was gutted through her and was twisting her insides. She hated herself for feeling like this. Erza, after all, could never belong to her. 

Jealousy is an ugly emotion that veils the reasoning and blinds us. It displays the intensity of our desires and how they tuck at the corners of our hearts, molding it into something darker. But that's what makes us human. What are we if stripped away from our desires and the limits that bind them? 

Tears stinging her eyes, she looked away and focused on the sky, when a few droplets showered over her.

The sky wasn't clear and blue anymore.

"Here," she had heard a voice beside her. Erza stood by her side, holding an umbrella over their head. "Sorry, I had only one in my Requip space. We'll have to share."

Mirajane had sighed, trying to not let the tears drop. Another walk in silence, their shoulders bumped as they tried to fit together in the tiny space when the rain poured heavily around them.

As they headed home together, she had her wondered if Erza too had a longing tucked in her heart for Jellal. Did she too wait for him to come and silence the storm that brewed inside her core when she thought about him? Was she tired too?

A few more steps later, Mirajane had said, “Fuck it,” and yanked the umbrella from Erza’s hand closed. The Requip Mage had gawked at her. “What are you doing?”

“We are already soaked from the other side and this isn’t even helping. I would rather enjoy the rain,” she had said and spread her arms, palms open and eyes closed, as she inhaled the scent of the rain. 

Water drops slowly trickled down her cheek and she didn’t know if it was rain or her tears which had tried so hard to swallow before. But the clog in her throat was settling down and her lips almost curled into a smile as she let herself soak in the pouring rain. Maybe the water was carrying away her pain, even if for a moment.

When she had finally opened her eyes, Erza was looking at her. And there was such tenderness and fondness in her eyes that had set Mirajane's skin blaze. She had torn apart her gaze only to notice the droplets trickling down Erza's face, down to the crook of her neck and then lower still. 

Cheeks heating up, she looked away again. 

Walking through the rain, they had finally reached Staurass' house and it's only then Mirajane realized how close they were to her home before she pushed away the umbrella. 

“It seems that you couldn't wait a little longer,” Erza had laughed. 

“Yeah, yeah, I do feel silly now,” she had said, pushing down the embarrassment. 

“No,” Erza had said, “I loved seeing you like this.”

It's then that their gaze met and the Requip mage had reached out to put away a strand behind Mirajane's ear. 

She then smiled at her fondly again like she had before and it made Mirajane feel so weak because why, why, why Erza do this to her? Why does she open her heart like this and make her feel so warm? 

What was Mirajane supposed to do with all of this love in her heart? Where was she supposed to put it down? She was an ocean of love crashing and flooding all over.

And sometimes, these floods and tides only cause destruction. 

She had pulled Erza closer and threading her fingers in her scarlet locks, she had closed the gap between them, brushing her lips to hers.

In those mere moments, it had felt as if she was breathing after a long time. All the ache inside her bones ceased to exist and what was left was this longing melting into a gentle love.

Before the reality poured down over her like cold water, waking her out of her senses.

She jerked and pulled back, pushing Erza away from her who was looking at her with eyes widened in shock.

“Mi-Mira--”

“I am sorry,” she had blurted before she could stop herself. “It was nothing.”

_Ah._

_But it was everything._

“What?” Erza had swallowed. “What do you mean?”

_I love you._

“You need to leave.”

“Mira--wait,”

_So much._

“Erza,” she had pleased. “Go away. _Please_.”

And just like that, Mirajane had closed the gate and then slumped down on the ground, burying her head in her hands.

Such is the pain of love--how it can melt down the world into these soft things while in another moment, it can leave you shivering in its coldness. How it can make you soar but can too pull you down in the deepest trenches. 

As Mira cried her heart out, a small part of her wondered about the time when she had almost felt Erza kissing her back.

***

As unlikely as it was, Mirajane didn’t go to the guildhall for the next few days to avoid Erza. She didn’t know what to say to her which won’t break their friendship or leave an awkwardness hanging thick in the air. There was no way it was nothing, even Erza must have known that.

Maybe the only thing left was to own and tell her the truth; to assure her that maybe one day this will pass. 

_Except she didn’t want it to pass._

Pushing herself out of her house, she had made her way to Fairy Hills to talk to Erza. She didn’t want the silence between them to give way to a fault. 

Before she could have reached there, she had found Erza sitting on the log in the nearby clearing. Even from the distance, Mirajane could see the pained expressions on Erza’s face.

It had made her heart clench to think that she was the reason for her pain.

“Er--”

“Erza.”

Her voice was cut off by another. What Mirajane didn’t see was Jellal walking toward Erza and then sitting beside her. 

“Jellal…” Erza had whispered before breaking down into sobs. The said man shifted closer and then pulled her into an embrace, arm thrown around her _protectively_. In a comfort. 

Mirajane had wanted to puke. 

She wanted her gut to stop feeling sick like this as she watched the two of them sitting like that.

Something dark had crawled inside her and then suddenly it had hit her why Erza had almost kissed her back that day.

Pity.

Maybe it was fucking pity that Erza had felt and she didn’t want to break her friend’s heart like that. So, she had shown mercy and gave in, possibly trying to humor her.

Because of course, there was only one person who can ever reside in Erza’s heart and that person can never be Mirajane. It was foolish to even think about it and get hopes up.

Erza couldn’t have found a worse way to reject her.

Turning back on her heel, Mira had walked away. 

She was done.

***

Presently, Mirajane stared out at the trees from the window of the train, tiredness weighing her down. After that day, for the first time in forever after Lisanna’s supposed ‘death’, she had taken a two-week-long mission around the southern borders of Fiore, in the hope that she would be able to gather the broken pieces of her. She wanted to go as far as possible. But it has been a week now and she was only feeling worse than before. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Her love for Erza was something gentle and tender. It was like a warm sun on winter sun. It was soft whispers yet at the same time, it was a feeling for being sure. It was a strong foundation on which she had slowly built herself. 

How then, such tenderness could turn into shards which sliced her heart?

The train came to a halt and she stepped down, pulling the paper from her pocket, she read the address of her client’s house.

When she finally reached the destination and stepped out of the ride, fingers were wrapped around her wrist and she was yanked into a corner.

“What the--”

In the darkness, under the pale moonlight, her eyes widened in shock as she saw Erza in front of her. Her hair was disheveled and her skin looked pale and grey and she looked so fragile.

“Erza? What are you doing here?” she asked, noticing the dark circles under the woman’s eyes.

But the Requip mage only shook her head and gritted, “Not. A. Word.”

It’s only then Mirajane noticed how infuriated the other woman was.

Finally releasing her grip, Erza too a step back and glared at her. “Do you even have the slightest idea how worried I was? You fucking disappeared. Just like that. Do you know how much I had to coax Lisanna into giving me the information about this job?”

Mirajane didn’t know what she was supposed to her. Her heart was broken and she had needed some space where Erza’s face won’t be a constant reminder of her pain. But running away hadn’t helped either. She was _hurt_.

“Why?” she said, voice thick and blunt, “Were you worried that I would get in some trouble and hurt myself? Were you feeling _pity_ for me?”

Erza’s face crumpled into a mix of confusion and rage. “What are you even saying, Mira? You know I have never thought of you like that.”

And she knew. She knew that she didn’t mean the words she was spewing out, but it was also in the act of self-preservation. If she hurt Erza enough to make her go, maybe her own pain will hurt less. Seeing her in front of her only pulled apart the wounds she was trying so hard to close.

Eyes shut tight, she exhaled and said, “I’d like you to leave now.”

“No,” came the answer; strong and sure.

“I don’t need you here, Erza,” _she did,_ “I took this mission because I wanted to be alone.”

“Mira--why are you being like this? We can talk about what happened,” Erza pleaded, sadness evident in her voice.

_What was there to talk about? How was Mirajane supposed to say, “You came into my life and ruined my heart and now every soft thing in this world is a reminder of you.”_

“Go. Away.”

“Not this time!” Erza shouted and Mirajane opened her eyes to see tears rolling down Erza’s face. “I am not going away this time. I won’t let you shut me away because _I need you_.”

All the hardness Mira had pulled to protect herself was crumbling down. “What do you want to talk about, Erza? You couldn’t have made it clearer already that you don’t feel the same. I know you love Jellal.”

“Wh--We--I _do not_ love Jellal, Mira,” Erza said incredulously. “I fucking kissed you back before you pushed me away!”

“Didn’t you do that because you took _pity_ on me?” Mirajane snarled.

“What?! No! I kissed you back because I love you.”

A tear slid down Mirajane’s cheek. “What?” she whispered.

“I love you,” Erza said softly, giving her a small smile through her tears. She stepped forward and cupped Mirajane’s face. “I kissed you back because I am in love with you and have been for a long time. I just...I love you and I don’t know what else to say except that I love you. I don’t know any other word which could tell what I feel for you. You make me feel so much and I want to spend my life feeling like this. When you kissed me I was shocked because I didn’t know it is was real.”

Mirajane broke down into sobs and it felt like she would burst open because how can a human contain so much love in such a tiny body? 

“I love you too. _So much,_ ” she cried. 

Erza chuckled and relief washed over her face. She swiped her thumb across Mira’s face to wipe away the tears and Mirajane looked down at her lips and slowly leaned. Under the glowing moon and the stars who twinkled in a knowing wink and a sly smile as if they know the secrets of the lovers of the night, they slowly kissed; soft and shy.

In that moment, Mirajane existed only in the places where Erza touched her and holding her closer till no space existed between them, she kissed her deeper, deeper, deeper, till all her nothings became everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, it's dramatic than necessary but who cares?  
> I was trying to get out of my writer's block for the reverse bb fic because I was ending up deleting everything I was writing so I went back to do the requests which I forget are still in my inbox... 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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